An Exercise in Democracy

In an attempt to give the students more say in their own academic fields, it is customary for the University to fill the seats of a consultative committee with faculty and student representative. Thereafter, comes the minor annoyance of having to elect these student representatives, who, naively, should be the most capable and popular choice of the student body in each subject. And their election, though containing only the slightest shard of the political (but as a certain Dr. A—put it, "a door to a glimmering political career") often seems like a foreshadow, a rehearsal of certain future inclinations towards political determination that we are familiar with.

Thankless jobs as these are (long, pointless meetings, slamming face-first into six hundred years of brick-wall bureaucracy, though, as the same Dr. A—also said, you might get a free cup of tea at the end of it), it must take some truly foolhardy people to be willing to come forward. More often than not, the reverse selection pressure of stupidity and masochism ensures that many candidates possess the most unsuitable traits for doing a good job. Most common are the mercenaries hunting for something to put on their CV (another observation made by the ever-astute Dr. A--, who, by virtue of age alone must have seen some thirty odd autumns of this intriguing business) and who only step forward because of a rather poorly-founded hope of winning in a walkover for the lack of candidature which would have made it an easy bullet point on that CV. Often they cringe a little as some other hand snakes its way into the air and it has to come down to a vote. The other ways in which people come to stand for these positions is of course rather familiar as well; being "volunteered" by one's mates, having a massive and sudden streak of altruism, drunkenness, and so on.

So once the motley band of assorted characters has been assembled in a nod to the illustrious history of democracy and self-determination, the exercise of the free-will of the people has to begin. It's easy to scale all this up to that of the national politics, in the way that a large, imposing shadow may be cast only using a marble and careful orchestration of the light (as another Dr. K—said, "this is merely a Primary School problem, you add everything up and then minus it away, but no, when people see that it is 'Ah! Relativistic Dynamics!', then whoosh!" Incidentally I too went "whoosh!").

Sometimes the candidates are allowed to introduce themselves and make a speech, which is almost always a total farce because no-one actually talks about their policy proposals, because policy is as boring as partial differentiation. No-one likes to hear about how one is going to suggest to geriatric professors about how "no, really, there is always room for grape-flavoured yoghurt in any lecture!" People want to be entertained; often, this is the number one rule in political campaigning. So people tell jokes and stories, because that is what the people want to hear. It is like the coliseum of popular opinion where the audience can reverse one's fate by a simple flick of the arm.

But often, the candidates being able to speak more than just their name and college is already a luxury. In order to save time candidates often just line up for the students in an identification parade for the murderers of democracy. Without anything else to base their judgements upon, it is not surprising then that looks become very important (or college, or accent; superfluous things). This is a rule, empirically verified, that I myself like to call "When in doubt, vote for the chio-bu" (yes, that day has finally come). With not much in the way of shock and horror, I raised my eyebrow only slightly when it was announced that the two of the prettiest (apparently my opinion was also shared, though I am quite a fly-by-night source for this sort of thing) females of the lot had been elected, followed perhaps by a collective swoon (but what if it had all been calculated and those two had known the rule all this while?)

Probably with the political apathy of much of the population (student political societies have a markedly lower membership than rowing clubs. But then again almost everything has a lower membership than rowing clubs, even perhaps some departments themselves) such behaviour, even with the implementation of a more rigorous voting apparatus, will continue to manifest itself. One thing I did notice is that not a single Asian did come forward to stand. Maybe we are more cynical, or just wiser.